NIMG Challenge: Not in my Garden

This is a meme from Kim over at A Study in Contrasts; what things do you like in a garden but wouldn’t have in your own?

Here are the “rules”: Think about 5 (or 10, or 3, or however many come to mind) things that you really like but would never put into your own yard. Make a post that explains each thing and also tells why, much as you like each one, it will never appear in your garden.

• Koi ponds. The raccoons and miscellaneous raptors would have a field day.

• Cordyline. Okay, I don’t really like them in anyone’s gardens.

I really like rose arbors and pergolas, particularly with the climbing rose Cecile Brunner, but sitting underneath them – isn’t there always a bistro table with a tea pot and crustless sandwiches underneath? – is just creepy. Things drop out of the roses and down your shirt, make tiny webs in your tea strainer, buzz you just as you’re dropping off to sleep. Yes I love insects, but I don’t want them in my mouth or down my pants.

Need I even mention or explain: undignified statuary.

• Cottage gardens. They can be beautifully executed, but not by gardeners such as myself. One day I’ll tell you about the time I installed a butterfly friendly cottage garden for a client and the first generation butterfly larvae mowed it to the ground in a weekend.

• Prunus laurocerasus. I love that it draws bees and sometimes, it’s even slightly attractive. Usually, it’s redundant, neglected, and fugly.

• Kniphofia. Now, normally I am a friend to plants that hail from South Africa. Torch Lily looks like Beeker from the Muppets to me, and I can’t fathom the appeal of its slap-dash goofiness.

• Vinca. Love it! Don’t want to chase it.

• Windchimes. Sometimes people will choose just the right chime for their yard: the style matches their home and landscape, the tone complements the whole feel of their garden. I had a windchine too, but every time it tolled I cringed, waiting for the neighbors to yell at me. I grew up in tight city quarters where windchimes started feuds and were subject to vandalism. I can’t quite enjoy them.

• Lawn. Other people do it well and I want to shed my shoes and go scooting across their temples of turf. At home, I could care less about the grass, and sadly, it shows.

• Annuals. I don’t know why exactly; they seem disposable or too temporary to throw money at year after year. I’d rather collect perennials.

Yellow foliage or varigated green and yellow foliage. It screams chlorosis to me, even when I know better.

•  Perfection.  Ever since I got involved in entomology, I’ve lost interest in arthropod genocide.   I certainly appreciate pristine roses, I just don’t grow any that could be described that way.

—————

Goodness. I have a few garden rules.

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5 thoughts on “NIMG Challenge: Not in my Garden

  1. OMG… kniphofia DOES look like Beaker from the Muppets!!! LOL! (I’m with you on that one. I keep trying to like it–and I’m kind of warming up to some of the yellow-only varieties–but mostly it leaves me cold.)

    I love my cordyline. :)

    This has been a great list–thanks for joining in the fun!

  2. LOL. My husband and I are on a secret mission to hide garden gnomes in my parents garden. We award points to each other based on how ugly the gnome is and how long it remained in their yard before my parents noticed it.

  3. I have a garden that I would like go blow up. Does that fit into this post? The person who owned the place before me loved roses, and so planted them willy-nilly every which way. If I could have my way, I’d either take them all out or move them to the side of the house as a sort of buffer between places. I would love lavender plants with some container plants and another silver sheen right in the middle.

    Have I said I don’t care for roses?

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